Last week I visited with a couple of my longtime friends. (I say ‘longtime’ rather than ‘old’ for obvious reasons. 😊) It was a delightful relaxing visit that refreshed our souls. After returning home, I began to think about friendships. Why do certain people become our friends? Why do some friendships last, while others wane? How do we maintain friendships?
Friendships are an integral part of our life. Of course, our families are usually our first loves, but friendships can carry us through the ups and downs of life, sometimes when our families can’t. We all need friends. And when our friends are family members, that’s a real blessing!
There are different kinds of friends. There are neighbors or co-workers with whom we are friendly. They make our lives pleasant. There are friends with whom we may have common interests. We may enjoy spending time with them centered around that interest. But what happens if those interests change? Circumstances may change or we may just change our minds about our interests, then those friendships tend to fade into the background. So there must be more than pleasantries and common interests in a strong and lasting friendship.
There are. Many other factors are involved. For example: personalities, understanding, acceptance, agreement, trust, encouragement, honesty, compassion, laughter, loyalty, and beliefs. All these and more are involved in a strong and lasting friendship.
Personalities may draw us to others, whether it’s a personality much like our own, or one that is so different, that it intrigues us. It is usually someone’s personality that first catches our attention. However, we can’t always go with our first impressions. Have you ever initially thought less of someone who turned out to be really great? Never judge a book by its cover. But when personalities mesh, friendships begin to blossom.
But there is still more to a strong and lasting friendship than personalities. I often say to my friends, “you know me and you’re still my friend?” I say that with tongue in cheek, but I do marvel sometimes that my friends still like me even after my melt-downs or the stupid things I say or do. This is where acceptance and understanding come into play. Friends look past frailties and faults and are kind. But they are also honest and encourage us (even reprove us) to help us get back on track when we are making mistakes.
All of us have deep feelings and concerns. We may have secrets or inner pains. Friends can be our confidants regarding these innermost thoughts. They will have compassion for our pains and be loyal to keep our secrets. Friends can share their hearts with each other and build lasting bonds of trust and understanding.
Having a friend who can make us laugh is a joyous benefit. There are so many times in life that we just need to laugh. Worldly circumstances can be discouraging and overwhelming. Those are the times that we may need a distraction from the weight of the world, and laughter is a great remedy. Sometimes a friend who can make us laugh in the face of adversity can help our us to collect our thoughts so that we can get through a difficult time. And really, laughing with friends is just plain fun!
Of course, our beliefs are a vital part of a strong and long lasting friendship. It can be difficult or impossible to be friends with someone whose beliefs oppose our own. Now to be clear, I’m not talking about opinions or even accepted schools of thought. I’m talking about our deeply held life-guiding beliefs that are at the very core of our being. We can put certain ideas aside and maintain a friendship, but without an agreement on our core beliefs, we won’t have enough to build a strong friendship on. At best we can be friendly, but we won’t achieve a heart-connection. We won’t be able to talk about the things that really matter to us.
A lot of my friendships are with like-minded Christians because we have so much in common. We share our beliefs and our interests are commonly centered around God’s Word. We trust one another, treat each other with honest respect, and have compassion when it’s needed. We encourage each other and accept each other for who we are. And we are not afraid to laugh about life. These are some of the qualities that I want my friendships to be built upon. I gravitate toward those who show these qualities and I endeavor to exhibit them myself.
I’m certainly not saying that only Christians can be friends. But I am saying that whether we are Christians or not, we should determine what qualities we want in a friendship and demonstrate those qualities ourselves. Like my mom always said, “if you want a friend, be a friend.” If you want a long-lasting friendship, be the kind of friend that you want to spend time with.
I pray that you all have many sweet long-lasting friendships that refresh your souls. And if you have a friend that you haven’t talked to for a while, why not give them a call? Tell them how thankful you are for their friendship. I bet you’ll be glad that you did!
Note to my readers: I truly appreciate your friendship, more than you know. And thanks for reading!