Month: August 2021

Several years ago, I showed my high school graduation picture to one of my husband’s co-workers – why is a long story.  But his response when he saw it was (and I quote), “Wow, you used to be pretty.”  On another occasion, I went to a local donut shop to get a cup of coffee.  The newly hired server had to ask the manager for help to prepare my selection.  Then when it was time to pay, I received the “senior discount”.  The young server questioned the manager’s decision to give me the discount as she had not seen my ID.  To which, the manager replied (and I quote), “If they look old enough, give them the discount”.  I was not a ‘senior’ at that point.  I share these rather embarrassing experiences with you as examples of how words communicate.

Now, I easily could have been offended in either of those situations.  But I wasn’t.  Why?  Because neither person who spoke really meant any harm.  And because I don’t take myself too seriously.  I have learned that it is healthier to let ill-chosen words roll of my back than it is to harbor them.  Usually the people who say these kinds of hurtful things, don’t do it intentionally.  So why should I be angry with them or take their words to heart?  And if I’m honest with myself, I was pretty in high school, and I’ve always looked older than I am. 😊 So there is no reason to let these passing words bother me.  I have told both of those stories on many occasions, and they always generate lots of laughter.

Words are the foundation of our communication.  We speak words, we hear words, we read words, we translate words into ideas and vice versa. Think about how we teach children to talk.  We show them an image and tell them the word that it represents.  We even identify ourselves by words. Remember the thrill it was to hear your child say, “mama” or daddy” for the first time?  This word-based teaching is also used for children’s behavior.  A child quickly learns the word, “NO” because they hear it so often. 

We understand communication in our minds by the use of words.  Words convey images, and we communicate those images by words.  It is a marvelous cycle of speech hearing and sight working together.  Words can have a profound effect on our lives.  Therefore, we must guard the words we take in as well as the words we give out.

There are times when people say very hurtful words purposefully – usually in a fit of anger, jealousy, or frustration.  These words are often cruel attacks that are not true, or at least are greatly exaggerated.  But true or not, they are hurtful none-the-less.  How do we deal with these kinds of words?  If we can’t resolve the issue with calm agreement, we must determine what we are going to do with those harsh words that we can’t unhear in our minds.

I often think of my mind like a bank vault full of safety deposit boxes.  I have the most frequently opened boxes toward the front for easy access.  These hold the most relevant information for my day to day living and are organized by priority.  Then there are boxes for other information that are arranged by frequency of use.  And way in the back as far away as possible, are boxes that I use to lock up all the information that I don’t want to think about.

We can take those hurtful words spoken in the heat of an argument and lock them up securely in the back corner of our vault.  As those boxes remain untouched, they begin to rust.  And as they rust, they become more difficult to open.  Eventually their rusty state overshadows our inclination to open them, and the contents of those boxes fade from thought.  These boxes can help us refute all of the unprofitable information that comes into our minds.

Have you ever written a letter?  Oops, just dated myself – written an email?  Maybe you just met someone and spent time getting to know them; or stayed up late talking with a friend.  How about sharing the deep feelings of your heart with a loved one; or talking on the phone with a far-away relative?  All of these involve words.  Our relationships require communication, and communication requires words.  Now don’t get me wrong, communication involves more than words alone.   Inflection, tone, facial expressions, eye contact, touch, actions, etc. are all involved in effective communication.  This is evidenced by how often an email or text is misunderstood.  In the course of speaking, those things accentuate the words for clarity and emphasis.  But they can also undermine our words.  For example, a wife says, “I’m fine”, but she is crying.  Her husband doesn’t believe her words.  Conversely, a husband smiles and says, “you look nice tonight”.  His smile has given credence to his words. 

Relationships are a vital part of our lives.  And words are a vital part of relationships.  Words are how we get to know someone.  And words are how we unveil ourselves.  Think about one of your fondest relationships.  Different things may have sparked an attraction, but the relationship developed by getting to know each other through conversation — words.  And it grew by continuing to share personal and heartfelt words.  Being able to talk about anything including your most intimate thoughts is a big part of any satisfying relationship. 

The words we speak can make or break a friendship, or any other bond.  The Bible refers to the tongue as an “unruly evil, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:8)  That is figuratively referring to the tongue as it is used for an organ of speech.  With our tongue, we carelessly blurt out hurtful words that we don’t really mean.  With our tongue, we criticize, judge, and condemn one another.  With our tongue, we are quick to revel in someone’s misfortune.  With our tongue, we speak hateful words that can cut someone to the bone or break their heart.  Therefore, it is crucial that we make every effort to control the words that come out of our mouths, and not permit ourselves to utter any of those kinds of words.  A good rule to follow is “speak as you would like to be spoken to”.

Of course I cannot talk about words without considering the greatest words of all time-the Bible!  The Bible is called the Word of God because it is God’s communication to us.   With words, God reveals Himself to us.  With words, He directs our steps.  His words set us free.  His words never fail.  When we make God’s words, our words, our speech will be seasoned with grace and sprinkled with love, so we won’t fall into the trap of speaking hurtful callous words like the world throws at us.  When we speak God’s words, they will accomplish the things that God wants accomplished because they have power.  Think about it… we can speak the words that lead a soul to salvation!  How great is that?  We can speak words of deliverance, words of kindness, words of truth, and words of health.  What a privilege God has given us!

So the next time you open your mouth, think about your words before they are voiced.  Do your best to speak only words that bless people, not tear them down.  Words that will encourage people, not discourage them.  Words that you would like to hear. 

Note to my readers:  Words are a big part of my life.  I hope my words have blessed you today!  You’re the best!  Thanks for reading. 

With so much unrest in the world today, it seems like we all could use a little more peace.  I know I could! 

There are basically two kinds of peace in our lives, outside peace and inside peace.  The two go hand in hand in many situations, but not always.  Our inside peace is not necessarily related to our outside peace.  It is available to be peaceful inside in a bad situation, just as we can be unpeaceful when nothing is wrong. 

When the craziness of the world is encroaching on us, we will often seek a peaceful place to which we can escape.  Maybe we retreat to nature, or curl up with a good book, or even take a luxurious bubble bath.  Immersing ourselves in quiet surroundings and doing something we enjoy can help us combat the world’s insanity and put our minds at ease.  This is not a bad practice.  The Bible says that Jesus Christ sought quiet solitude on multiple occasions.  (Example, Mark 1:38) 

The reason we seek peaceful surroundings is to gain peace on the inside.  The chaos of the world is very unsettling, and sometimes it can rob us of our inside peace.  Perhaps there are situations in our lives that seem insurmountable.  Those times can certainly send our minds into a flurry of unpeaceful thoughts.  Finding a tranquil environment helps us regroup.  Our external surroundings can provide calming affects, but to really have peace on the inside takes more than that.  It takes an internal conviction. 

The most peaceful thing in this world is God’s peace.  It is perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3), and God gives it to His people (Psalm 29:11).  In John 14:27, Jesus Christ says that the peace he gives is not as the world gives.  God’s peace is what we need.  This is the peace that guards our hearts and minds.  It is the peace that allows us to be patient and assures us of God’s answers to our prayers.  It is the peace that keeps our minds focused on our future in heaven.

Even though God generously provides His peace, the realization of that peace happens when we believe God’s words.  Did you know that every Pauline Epistle includes the words, “peace from God” in the salutation?  It must be an important thing for us to have.  It is!  When we are filled with God’s peace, we will rise above our circumstances rather than our circumstances taking us down.  When we have that peace, we will be able to see positives instead of negatives, see the big picture, see the light at the end of the tunnel and those things, in turn, will give us the peaceful assurance that we’ll be okay.

In practice, we must claim God’s peace in our minds.  We must fight for truth and not allow the world to talk us out of it.  I heard a teacher call peace, “the state of undisturbed believing”.  Isn’t that what we all want?  Those stupid thoughts that creep into our minds and cause us to doubt and worry will be defeated by the peace of God that surpasses our understanding. 

So when the world starts raising a ruckus in your mind, it’s not a bad idea to take some time to secure an outside peace so that you can restore your inside peace with God.  Then allow that peace to flood your mind with its comforting encouragement.  When you do that, you open the door for God to go to work by your undisturbed believing. 

I referenced more scriptures than usual in this post because it really is the peace of God that we need in this world today.  The best that the world can provide for people is a false sense of security that can be taken away at any time.  When we trust God and look to Him to take care of us, we will have a peace that the world cannot take away.  We will live above the madness!

John 16:33

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

Note to my readers:  Peace!   Thanks for reading. 

Dictionary.com defines routine as:

1. A customary or regular course of procedure.
2. Commonplace tasks, chores, or duties as must be done regularly or at specified intervals; typical or everyday activity
3. Regular, unvarying, habitual, unimaginative, or rote procedure.
4. An unvarying and constantly repeated formula, as of speech or action; convenient or predictable response

As you can see from the definitions, the word ‘routine’ can carry negative connotations as well as positive ones.  Especially in my youth, I thought of ‘routine’ as something mundane and boring.  Who wanted that?  But as I’ve gotten older, I relish my routine.  My routine is no longer boring or mundane, it is a welcomed, even necessary part of organizing my day by day activities. 

When I was a kid and we visited my grandparents in Maine, our mornings were always scheduled around my grandfather’s routine.  It never varied and it included him sitting in his chair and shaving with his electric razor for 15 minutes.  Then he would splash Aqua Velva on his face and wait a few more minutes for it dry.  Now, 15+ minutes was like an eternity to a kid who was ready to go out and have fun.  So with all the kindness of a spoiled child, I would groan and complain throughout the whole process.  Looking back at the orneriness of my grandpa, he probably shaved for 5 minutes when we weren’t there, but he was all about teaching me lessons.  He accomplished his task.  But I often wonder if he knew that it would take me many years to understand and appreciate his lessons.  I bet he did.

Generally, when we were young, we yearned for excitement.  We were happy if no two days were alike.  We steered away from routines except for maybe school or sports.  Then as we aged, routines became more necessary.  College, jobs, families etc. demanded at least a semblance of a routine.  Even more so as our families grew.  Getting one child to football practice, another to ballet and a third to the library after working all day; and making sure homework got done, lunches were made, and clothes were washed took a regular organized effort – otherwise known as a routine. 

Think about it.  Jobs and schools have routine schedules, routine procedures, and routine meetings.  We care for our cars with routine maintenance.  We care for ourselves with routine physicals.  We are surrounded by routines!  However, even though routines may be necessary, they must be kept in proper perspective.  Sometimes people can be so focused on their routine that their lives become “all work and no play”.  This can be as detrimental as the “all play and no work” lifestyle of having no routine.  Life must be kept in balance.

A routine can help us keep our priorities straight and make sure we have time for the really important things in life.  Things like reading our Bibles, prayer, going to fellowship or church, family time, date nights, even relaxation should be part of our regular routines. 

Time marches on and we reach retirement age.  The kids are grown.  Our jobs are done.  No more routines.  Au contraire!  Routines become a crucial element of keeping us productive.  It can be easy, without the structure of a job or family, to become lazy or at least unfocused.  You hear about it all the time.  People retire and end up sitting on the couch and watching TV all day.  Not much of a life!  Routines can help us avoid that fate. 

When you think about it, it’s actually exciting.  You get to determine your own routine!  For most of our adult lives, we worked and /or raised families.  Our routines centered around the requirements of those responsibilities.  Now we can determine our own activities and make our routines accordingly.  The things that we always wanted to do, but never had enough time for, can be built into our routine.s  Of course, even in retirement we have responsibilities, like my husband still wants to eat and we still need clean clothes, but our time is much freer to plan and enjoy other activities.  Hobbies, classes, exercising, book clubs, volunteer work, even writing a blog can be worked into our retirement routines without the concern that we’re taking too much time away from other duties. 

I will admit that thoughts of retiring arose in my mind a few years before I actually retired.  Some of my friends had started retiring and that sounded very enticing.  But at that time, I realized that I wasn’t ready for retirement because I needed the structure of a job to keep me on track.  I didn’t have a real plan for my future.  I didn’t have goals or ideas to pursue in retirement.  I would have become one of those couch-sitting TV watchers! 

During those years, however, I began to develop my goals and aspirations for the next phase of my life.  I made lists, I talked frequently about my ideas and formulated my thoughts.  So when the actual day of my retirement came, I was ready. 

Much has happened since that day.  And I’m still working toward my goals and aspirations.  But I’ve learned that without some kind of routine, it isn’t always easy to accomplish what I want to.  There are days when my brain just wanders around bumping into things as it tries to figure out what I should be doing.  There are days when my will fades into oblivion (those are TV watching days).  And there are days when I just get sidetracked.  In any of these situations my routine helps me get back on track.  It reminds me of what I need to get done and gives me ideas for my extra time.  It allows me to be successful in the things that I want and need to accomplish.

Routines are a good thing, and a positive aid for managing our time.  But we can’t get so caught up in our routines that we miss out on the glorious things of life.  Remember to always include love, laugher and giving in your routine.  Don’t be afraid to deviate from your routine schedule if you just need to have some FUN!  But if you find yourself sitting on the couch all day and doing nothing – dust off your routine and get moving! 

Note to my readers:  My blog is a big part of my routine.  Not because it’s a duty, but because it’s a joy.  I hope you continue to enjoy reading it. 

Last week I visited with a couple of my longtime friends.  (I say ‘longtime’ rather than ‘old’ for obvious reasons. 😊)  It was a delightful relaxing visit that refreshed our souls.  After returning home, I began to think about friendships.  Why do certain people become our friends?  Why do some friendships last, while others wane?  How do we maintain friendships?

Friendships are an integral part of our life.  Of course, our families are usually our first loves, but friendships can carry us through the ups and downs of life, sometimes when our families can’t.  We all need friends.  And when our friends are family members, that’s a real blessing! 

There are different kinds of friends.  There are neighbors or co-workers with whom we are friendly.  They make our lives pleasant.  There are friends with whom we may have common interests.  We may enjoy spending time with them centered around that interest.  But what happens if those interests change?  Circumstances may change or we may just change our minds about our interests, then those friendships tend to fade into the background.  So there must be more than pleasantries and common interests in a strong and lasting friendship.

There are.  Many other factors are involved.  For example: personalities, understanding, acceptance, agreement, trust, encouragement, honesty, compassion, laughter, loyalty, and beliefs.  All these and more are involved in a strong and lasting friendship. 

Personalities may draw us to others, whether it’s a personality much like our own, or one that is so different, that it intrigues us.  It is usually someone’s personality that first catches our attention.   However, we can’t always go with our first impressions.  Have you ever initially thought less of someone who turned out to be really great?  Never judge a book by its cover.  But when personalities mesh, friendships begin to blossom.

But there is still more to a strong and lasting friendship than personalities.  I often say to my friends, “you know me and you’re still my friend?”  I say that with tongue in cheek, but I do marvel sometimes that my friends still like me even after my melt-downs or the stupid things I say or do.  This is where acceptance and understanding come into play.  Friends look past frailties and faults and are kind.  But they are also honest and encourage us (even reprove us) to help us get back on track when we are making mistakes. 

All of us have deep feelings and concerns.  We may have secrets or inner pains.  Friends can be our confidants regarding these innermost thoughts.  They will have compassion for our pains and be loyal to keep our secrets.  Friends can share their hearts with each other and build lasting bonds of trust and understanding.

Having a friend who can make us laugh is a joyous benefit.  There are so many times in life that we just need to laugh.  Worldly circumstances can be discouraging and overwhelming.  Those are the times that we may need a distraction from the weight of the world, and laughter is a great remedy.  Sometimes a friend who can make us laugh in the face of adversity can help our us to collect our thoughts so that we can get through a difficult time.  And really, laughing with friends is just plain fun! 

Of course, our beliefs are a vital part of a strong and long lasting friendship.  It can be difficult or impossible to be friends with someone whose beliefs oppose our own.  Now to be clear, I’m not talking about opinions or even accepted schools of thought.  I’m talking about our deeply held life-guiding beliefs that are at the very core of our being.  We can put certain ideas aside and maintain a friendship, but without an agreement on our core beliefs, we won’t have enough to build a strong friendship on.  At best we can be friendly, but we won’t achieve a heart-connection.  We won’t be able to talk about the things that really matter to us. 

A lot of my friendships are with like-minded Christians because we have so much in common.  We share our beliefs and our interests are commonly centered around God’s Word.  We trust one another, treat each other with honest respect, and have compassion when it’s needed.  We encourage each other and accept each other for who we are.  And we are not afraid to laugh about life.  These are some of the qualities that I want my friendships to be built upon.  I gravitate toward those who show these qualities and I endeavor to exhibit them myself. 

I’m certainly not saying that only Christians can be friends.  But I am saying that whether we are Christians or not, we should determine what qualities we want in a friendship and demonstrate those qualities ourselves.  Like my mom always said, “if you want a friend, be a friend.”  If you want a long-lasting friendship, be the kind of friend that you want to spend time with.    

I pray that you all have many sweet long-lasting friendships that refresh your souls.  And if you have a friend that you haven’t talked to for a while, why not give them a call?  Tell them how thankful you are for their friendship.  I bet you’ll be glad that you did! 

Note to my readers:  I truly appreciate your friendship, more than you know.  And thanks for reading!