Have you ever hurt someone’s feelings by something you said? I would challenge anyone who answered, “no” to that question. We all have done this at some point in time – and I’m sure we’ve done it more than once!
It’s in our human nature to make mistakes. None of us is perfect. And it seems sometimes that the most unperfect thing about us is our tongue. Look at what the Bible says about it:
James 3:8 – But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
That is a strong statement regarding our speech. It shows us just how injurious our words can be.
So, what should we do?
Some people might say, “I don’t care if my words upset you, that’s your problem.” Others might refrain from talking all together for fear of offending someone. Neither of those is the correct response. Of course, every situation is different, but with few exceptions, which I will get into later; our response needs to be somewhere between those two extremes.
Generally, we do care if we hurt someone’s feelings. Most often, the words we speak that upset someone are not spoken with that intent. They are usually spoken either carelessly or ignorantly, and as such can be regrettable. If we do speak harsh words to intentionally hurt someone, it is commonly out of anger, which we almost always regret and wish that we could take back.
I can still hear my mom’s admonition, “Think before you speak!” That is good advice. It is not a bad practice to “engage brain before opening mouth.” Generally, this practice simply means that we don’t spout off everything that’s running around in our brain without some filtration. This often applies to our initial opinion of a situation. We may have misunderstood someone’s comments, or had not received all the facts when we formed our opinion. Consequently, if we blurt out something without proper consideration, we may be totally off-base. But if we take a moment to think before we speak; maybe ask questions to gather more information, we might save ourselves some embarrassment or grief. Another part of thinking before speaking is considering our audience. For example, men enjoy bantering with other men, but that same banter may ‘cross the line’ with another audience. Think before you speak.
Our words are our primary vehicle for expressing our thoughts and revealing our inner selves. If our words are continually negative and hurtful, they indicate that we are thinking those kinds of thoughts. And they will portray us as a mean or uncaring person. And the opposite is also true. If our words are continually positive and kind-hearted, it becomes evident that we are thinking those thoughts. And our words will portray us as a good and kind person. What do you want people to think about you? What do your words portray?
When we pay attention to our words, it can lessen the chances of hurting someone’s feelings. Yet no matter how conscientious we are, it is inevitable that we will say the wrong thing at times. When this happens, because we meant no ill, a simple apology should take care of any misunderstanding. I find myself saying the wrong thing oftentimes when I am trying to be funny. (Since people generally like to laugh, I enjoy any occasion that I can facilitate a chuckle.) But when my jokes meet with puzzled or irritated stares, I know that they have backfired, and apologies are in order.
Suppose we said something very innocently and we weren’t wrong in what we said, but someone’s feelings got hurt none-the-less. There could be another side to that story. The hearer might be overly sensitive. Hearers cannot jump to conclusions and immediately overreact to everything they hear. They cannot assume that someone is purposely trying to hurt them. They cannot be on the defensive all the time. If they are thinking in any those ways, basically they are bringing the hurt feelings onto themselves.
So, if we are offended by something someone said, we should take the initiative to discuss the situation with the speaker so that our hurt feelings don’t escalate into resentment or division. More times than not, the speaker probably has no idea that our feelings have been hurt. Furthermore, if what someone said is reproof or correction that we should heed, we must be meek enough to receive that information and not allow hurt feelings to hold us back.
All of this is to say that our words matter, therefore, we should be attentive to them. The best way to do that is to have our words aligned with the truth. Now, to be clear, the only real truth is the Bible. I’m not talking about the worldly ideas that people call truth. Those truisms are subject to opinion and can change at any time. But if our thoughts are filled with the unwavering truth of God’s Word, our conversation will reflect the quality of those words.
That does not mean that the only things we can ever talk about are Bible passages. But when our innermost thoughts are governed by the truth that is revealed in God’s Word, our conversation will be seasoned with salt as noted in Colossians 4:6. (This refers to an Eastern custom, that when someone was salted [salt touched their tongue] it meant that they would always speak truth and never break their promise.) Isn’t that the kind of speech we want to be known for?
As I mentioned earlier, there are some exceptions regarding our speech hurting someone’s feelings. When we are speaking God’s Word, and it offends someone, that is not our problem. We never apologize for speaking the Truth. It would be our problem if we did not speak The Word for fear of offending someone. Not everyone wants to hear God’s Word, and that’s okay, they have freedom of will. But that should never stop us from sharing the wonderful words that we have heard. It is our privilege and responsibility to speak God’s Word and to serve It on a silver platter. We should never hesitate to share the GOOD NEWS of the gospel to all that we meet. If it offends someone, shake the dust of your shoes, and move on.
No matter what you’re talking about, no matter to whom you are talking, “THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK” is a good rule of thumb. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, and don’t be afraid of making a mistake, but do think before you speak. If you accidently say something that offends someone, apologize, and move on. If you offend someone with God’s Word, say a prayer for them and move on. Our life will be an exciting adventure when we “go, stand and speak… all the words of this life” as the angel told the apostles in Acts 5:20. We are the lights of the world! Hey, we could think that before we speak! Wouldn’t that be cool?
Note to my readers: I am sorry for my sporadic schedule lately. Hopefully my life will settle down soon and I can get back to more regular posting. Until then, I will make every effort to post at least twice a month, but I can’t promise what days. I am so grateful for all my readers. I pray for you all! Thanks for reading!!