What a glorious day it was when I realized that I didn’t have to prove my worth anymore.
I have spent most of my life trying to prove my worth. This attitude stemmed from my taking other’s comments too personally, being crushed by criticism, or discouraged by failures. Instead of pushing past these things, I harbored feelings of inadequacy and focused on my shortcomings. It became so much a part of me that it was just my normal way of thinking.
To be clear, proving my worth is not the same as proving myself. We might face situations in life that require us to challenge ourselves to rise to the occasion. We prove ourselves by accepting that challenge. And that is a good thing. It is how we build confidence, learn and grow. Proving our worth comes from thinking that we are not good enough, or thinking we are inferior to others. It is trying to compensate for something we feel that we are lacking.
Allow me to explain…
I was a happy kid. I had a loving family, a best friend, and lots of neighborhood buddies. I was content to entertain myself, but never missed a play date or a birthday party. My life was full of fun and adventure. I had no worries.
But then puberty hit. All of the sudden, I learned that I was different from other kids. All the things that I thought were fine, were now unacceptable by teenage standards. I learned that the way I dressed was wrong, the things I liked to do were wrong, the things I said were wrong, even the way I danced was wrong. And the ‘wrongest’ of all was the way I looked. I was a second-class citizen and therefore I needed to prove my worth – at least that is how it seemed to me.
However, I wasn’t a totally miserable teenager, I had friends and a somewhat enjoyable social life. But in the back of my mind, I never felt like I was
good enough. I was always trying, but never quite succeeding to measure up to the teenage standard, which in reality was an approval standard that I placed on myself (although I didn’t realize that at the time).
In later teenage years, I came into my own, as they say. I lost weight and began to feel better about myself. I had a new standard – to be different. I started to express myself in the way I dressed and how I acted. I wore funky clothes, including some outfits that were my mom’s from the 1940s. I found a group to which I could belong because they marched to the beat of a different drum. We were called “hippies”. And for a short time, I thought that all was right with the world.
But into my new scene, enter stage left… boys! Having an air of confidence and looking more acceptable by girlfriend standards, I started receiving attention from boys. But after a string of broken hearts, my self-esteem took a nosedive. Soon, even though my looks had not changed, I started feeling poorly about myself again. I reinstated my own unattainable standard and my self-worth plummeted. But I had learned in all my teenage wisdom how to hide my insecurities. I learned to act like I didn’t care what anyone else thought, but deep down, it was a consuming theme in all my thinking.
During my senior year of high school, I got saved. Everything changed – at least on the outside. My life was blessed, and a new standard was introduced. I was released from the old teenage and girlfriend standards, only to put myself under another standard, the Bible’s standard. Don’t get me wrong, we should strive to live by the standard of God’s Word, BUT not to the end that we put ourselves in bondage to it, which is what I did.
I wanted to be right with God’s Word, but try as I might, it seemed that I was always falling short. I looked around and everyone else seemed to be more accomplished in the scriptures than I. I felt that I just didn’t measure up. I sought to adhere to God’s standard to the best of my ability, but of course, sometimes I missed the mark. It was at those times that my mind jumped right back into its old habit of thinking that I needed to prove my worth – sometimes even to God.
Habits are easy to do and sometimes hard to change. They are usually comfortable because they require little effort of mind. Good habits help us function in our day to day living. Bad habits, like feeling that you need to prove your worth, work against us. Even though we try to refute our bad habits, they still might sneak up on us.
The Bible refers to these old habits of mind as part of “the old man”. And our old man is always with us. The scriptures admonish us to reckon him dead, which is achieved by renewing our minds to the truth of God’s Word. But our old man isn’t quietly riding off into the sunset. He likes to rear his ugly head whenever he can. And sometimes because of old habits, we can find ourselves smack dab in the middle of our old man thoughts before we realize where we are.
So it was with me. My old habit of thinking that I had to prove my worth lingered in the back of my mind even after I got born again. I still felt like I had to prove my worth as a believer and in every other way. But one day, the light bulb lit up!
We judge the worth of an item by the amount someone is willing to pay for it, right? What price was God willing to pay for us?
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
God was willing to pay the life of His only begotten son for us. Think about it – the Creator of the heaven and earth paid the greatest price ever for ME and for YOU! I no longer need to prove my worth. God gave me worth beyond any that I could give myself! Doesn’t it seem more logical to trust God’s opinion of us more than our own, or another’s? God’s opinions are always, always, always RIGHT! Ours are hit or miss at best!
God’s Word is the truth; and we cannot pick and choose what parts we want to believe and what parts we don’t. So, why do we think that we are less than what the Word of God says we are? Old man habits! Reckon them dead. And if they bother you again, reckon them dead again! It’s a process, but the truth will win in the end!
Perhaps my story is very different than yours, I hope so. I hope that no one else had to succumb to the heartache of believing that they were second-class citizens. I hope no one else placed unattainable standards on themselves and spent years trying to prove their worth. But if you did, rest assured that God has ascribed great worth to each one of us. And no matter what others say or think about you; no matter what worldly standards you measure yourself against, you were chosen by God before the foundation of the earth to be called a son of the Most High. Our worth has been determined by God. We are PRICELESS! We have nothing to prove to anyone including ourselves. We have only to accept the things that God freely gave us via His only begotten son, Jesus Christ.
We should stand tall and proud and be thankful! Our worth is beyond measure in God’s eyes. God made us completely, completely, absolutely complete. We have NO lack.
Note to my readers: You are the BEST!! Thanks for reading!