Month: August 2023

“That’s not fair!”  I must have said that a million times while I was growing up.  It wasn’t fair that my big brothers had a later bedtime than mine.  It wasn’t fair that that kid won the game because he cheated.  It wasn’t fair that my first boyfriend broke my heart.  And almost every time I would claim that something wasn’t fair, my mom would reply, “Life isn’t always fair.”  And I found that statement to be so unfair!  Isn’t life supposed to be fair?

Let’s look at Merriam Webster’s definition of ‘fair’, which is: “marked by impartiality and honesty: free from self-interest, prejudice, or favoritism”.

Generally, moms and dads endeavor to be good parents, which is likely how most of us were raised.  And I think based on the above definition, parents are generally fair.  Most parents try hard to be impartial and honest.  They try to be free from self-interest, prejudice and favoritism.  Most parents are just trying to raise their children the best way they know how.  They make mistakes, but most of their decisions are based on what they think is right for their family.  So, growing up in that kind of environment might be where we got the idea that life is supposed to be fair.  But even in a good home, things do not always go the way we want them to go.  And for kids, that is unfair. 

It seems to me that children must have a strong sense of fairness.  They are quick to point out that something is unfair.  However, children only know how to judge fairness by how it affects them.  For example, I thought it terribly unfair that my brothers’ bedtime was later than mine.  (They are 5 and 7 years older than me, so of course their bedtime was later!)  To my 5-year-old mind, however, it was not fair because I had to go to bed, and they didn’t.  I wanted to have a later bedtime like them even though I had not achieved the age to warrant it.  No explanation could convince me that this was not a horrible injustice, so the best my mom could say was that life isn’t always fair.

Would it have been fair to make my 12-year-old brother go to bed at the same time as I did at age 5?  That may have seemed like a fair solution to me, but what about to him?  I doubt he would have found that fair.  In this situation, what could my parents have done?  Exactly what they did.  My parents made the bedtime decision based on what they felt was best for each of us, not by favoritism or partiality.  Thus, they made a fair decision.  But I still perceived it as unfair when I was 5 because I had only one perspective – mine!  Had my parents changed their rules to accommodate my 5-year-old thinking, it would NOT have been a fair decision. 

Hurt feelings, missed opportunities, and relationship struggles can all qualify as unfair because they affect us negatively.  As human beings, we all like being happy. And when we are not, it can seem unfair, particularly when we see others who are happy.  We might think, “Why should they be happy while I am not?  That’s not fair!”  But maybe in these circumstances we should consider the situation from the other’s perspective.  There could be someone looking at us and thinking that our happiness is unfair!  So, do we want to give up our happiness because someone else perceives it as unfair?  I think not!  Well, we shouldn’t expect someone to do that for us either.  It seems like life’s fairness might depend on which side of happiness we’re on.  And since every person isn’t happy 100% of the time, I guess we could still say that life is not always fair.

Fairness is relative and based on many factors.  What is fair to me, might not be fair to someone else. And is fair to someone else might not be fair to me.  Decisions sometimes result in situations that may not seem or even be fair.  We may be presented with circumstances beyond our control that are just plain unfair.  Good intentions and valiant efforts may not always achieve the desired results.  And wrongs may go unpunished.  All these things confirm that life is not always fair.

In the society of today, it seems like self-interests rule, which according to the definition is not fair.  Often, it seems that ideas are promulgated, and decisions are made based on one person’s or one group’s self-interests without regard for their impacts on others.  Fair decisions are seldom a “one size fits all” proposition.  They should be made with the greater good of all in mind and according to a standard or fairness.  (However, fair decisions may still meet with claims of unfairness because it is impossible to please everyone all the time.)  The decisions that are made solely for one’s self-interest by utilizing favoritism and prejudice, without regard for all concerned are not fair decisions.  And it certainly seems that unfair decisions are prevalent these days!

So, what are we to do? 

Firstly, we must recognize that there is good and evil in the world today.  I’m pretty sure we all know that.  This is why life is not always fair.  There is an ongoing battle between the just and the unjust.  And when the unjust get their way, unfairness ensues.  In addition, the unjust do their best to blur the lines between right and wrong, good and bad, fair and unfair.  This results in confusion, misunderstandings, and resentments.  All of which can result in negative situations that accomplish their unjust agenda.

The Bible teaches us that ever since he deceived Adam and Eve, the devil has had his way in this world.  He has corrupted whatever he could and has been able to blind the minds of so many people.  His success is in the secrecy of his moves.  Like any other tyrant, he tricks people with the pretense of good, and then crushes them with his real agenda.  He is the epitome of unfairness. 

BUT…

The Bible also teaches us about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  He gave his life for us and then God raised him from the dead and seated him at His own right hand in the heavenlies.  By this, Jesus Christ accomplished our salvation and freedom from the tyranny of the devil.  

Colossians 2:15

And having spoiled principalities and powers, he (Jesus Christ) made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it.

Jesus Christ didn’t just beat the devil, he triumphed over him and his host.  He exposed their evil and squashed their powers.  It is through his accomplishments that we have access to all the goodness and fairness of God. 

However, we are still in this world, which is under the devil’s influence.  So as long as we are here, there will be injustice and consequently unfairness.  But there will come a day when we will live forever in heaven and there will be no more evil.   All will be perfect, just and fair.  And when that happens, we will be able to say, “Life is always fair!”

Until that time, if life treats us unfairly, we can take comfort in knowing that God is on our side and that He wants to take care of our every need.  Circumstances beyond our control are not beyond God’s ability to fix.  Unfair situations can be remedied by God’s justice.  We can be more than conquerors in every situation, including the unfair ones!  (Romans 8:37)

Note to my readers:  Life may not always be fair, but we can act fairly, regardless.  Let’s do our best to be fair even in the face of unfairness.  Thanks for reading. 

I grew up in a time before so many electronics.  In my early years, I remember our family having one TV (black and white with an antenna and no remote), a radio (with AM signal), and a record player.  None of which received my undivided attention.

Oh, I was a typical American kid, I watched TV regularly, but not all day.  Maybe Captain Kangaroo in the morning, and then off to play.  Before I started to school, I used to help my mom around the house.  The radio may have been on while we worked and we listened to the record player frequently, but those were not our main focus.  We engaged in an old-fashioned kind of entertainment – we talked.  I could list several old TV shows that I watched as a kid, but I cannot remember any of their dialogues.  But I can tell you lots of things that my mom told me even from those earliest years.

I am saddened when I see families out to dinner and every member is spending their time looking at their “devices”, even babies in highchairs!  That family may talk a lot at home, I’m not judging.  But what they demonstrate in public is a lack of conversation.  And it is not uncommon.  The popularity of handheld electronics has overshadowed the benefits of good ol’ conversing. 

A conversation can be a discussion of ideas or opinions.  It can be relaying information or news.  It can be a lively debate about different viewpoints.  It can be a heartfelt sharing of innermost thoughts.  It can be simply getting to know someone.  Conversations are personal interactions between people who are mutually expressing themselves.  They may be enlightening, or infuriating.  They may be enjoyable or heartbreaking.  But regardless of their content, they are still our main vehicle of communicating with each other.

Why is this important?

Because, without conversation, we never really know someone.  Observing someone’s actions can be a good indicator of their character.  And those actions are usually the basis of our initial impression of them.  But we really don’t know who they are without talking to them and hearing what they have to say.  And this does not happen in one conversation.  Continuing conversations reveal much about someone, which may lead to a connection, which in turn, may lead to pursuing a relationship.

Think about the people in your life who are the closest to your heart.  They are generally the ones with whom you share the deepest conversations.   Those with whom you bare your soul.  They are privy to your innermost thoughts and desires.  They know your secrets and you know theirs.  These things are accomplished and fostered through ongoing conversations that involve trust and sincerity.

Of course, we don’t share that kind of conversation with everyone.  We all have people like friends, acquaintances, co-workers, neighbors, etc. in our lives with whom we have affable conversations.  Those conversations are lighthearted and enjoyable most of the time.  However, they are not intimate heart-sharings.  These amicable relationships are also important in our lives.  Chances are we have many more friends on this level than we do on the deeply personal level.  But both are necessary.  Both fulfill us and make us happy.  And both involve conversations. 

One of the most important things in any relationship is being able to converse.  I might go so far as to say that conversation is critical to the health of any relationship.  We don’t know what someone is thinking unless they tell us.  We can’t expect anyone to know what we are thinking unless we tell them.  How many times have arguments arisen because of a misunderstanding due to a lack of clear conversation?  How many times have we harbored hurts instead of addressing them through conversation?  How many times have relationships failed because there was no conversation to confront the issues?  All these scenarios could be avoided through honest conversation.  (A word of caution here, honest does not mean cruel.  Hurtful words should have no place in our conversations.)

Conversations are not limited to speaking with our voice.  Written letters can be wonderful conversations, even in texts and emails.  Gestures can convey thoughts without words.  But neither of those can replace the connection that can be achieved by talking face to face.  A phone call can cross the miles between family and friends who live far away.  But how much better is a visit?  Conversations solidify family ties; strengthen lifetime bonds; and build meaningful friendships and loving marriages.  Conversations can make our day, change our minds, uplift us, and comfort us in time of need.

And of course, the most important conversation we can have, is the one we have with our Heavenly Father.  Prayer is a conversation with God.  We speak to Him and He responds.  We ask and He answers.  When we are troubled, God is ready and willing to help.  We can tell Him anything.  And we can always trust His solutions.  We can bare our souls before Him, and He will listen even though He already knows our hearts.  Our innermost secrets are no secret to Him.  His comforts delight our souls.  His peace stills our fears.  His love never fails!  God wants us to have conversations with Him, but it’s up to us to open the door.  God is waiting to hear from us.  So, let’s make sure that we take the time to talk to Him.

Here’s an idea.  Instead of putting our devices in front of our faces, why not strike up a conversation with someone?  What have we got to lose?  The worst that could happen is that someone tells us to go pound salt.  So what?  There are many more fish in the sea.  Maybe the next person we talk to will become a soulmate.  But we’ll never know unless we open our mouths.  Let’s work to keep the art of conversation alive.

Note to my readers:  This is my side of the conversation.  What’s yours?  Thanks for reading!