Recently, I had back to back visits with my sons’ families. It was a delightful time! Grandchildren are the best! Especially mine. (I may be biased.) But as always, our time was also one of reflecting on my children at similar ages and even myself at their age. How fast time flies! You hear it all the time- “seems like only yesterday”. And as you get older, it really seems impossible that so much time has passed in such a short period. Anyway…
My oldest grandson is 15 and closing in on the “magic” age of 16. Sixteen, when all of life changes because you can get your driver’s license! Oh how I yearned for that freedom! Wheels would bring the world to my doorstep. I could fly down the road with the wind in my hair and go places I had never been before. It would be one giant step toward adulthood and being my own boss! Well, at least that’s how I looked at it back then. Since this was a topic of conversation while my grandson was here, I began to reminisce about my 16th year of life.
I turned 16 in February of my Sophomore year in high school. I asked for driving lessons for my birthday. One could take Driver’s Ed in school for free, but the classes were full for the year. So my birthday present would be to get lessons, so I didn’t have to wait until the next school year to drive. (That would have been absolute torture!)
I can still see my driving instructor. He was a young man. Well, I say that now – he was younger than my parents, but at 16 he was still old. He was short, but again compared to my 6’3” dad, he was probably average height. He was extremely patient and well suited for the job because he didn’t panic once while I was driving. In contrast to my mom who panicked all the time when she rode with me while I had my learner’s permit. I give her a lot of credit though, because I panicked so much with my kids that my husband had to teach them to drive.
My initial driving practice began in my mom’s car, which was a Ford LTD and as big as my living room. Thinking back, no wonder my mom panicked all the time; a 16 year-old novice driver maneuvering a land yacht through narrow town streets! I never hit anything, but I often wonder from her perspective how close I came. She never yelled, she would just grab the door handle and gasp. I was oblivious to any danger.
One particular lesson I remember from my driving instructor was that pulling up to a T–intersection is an understood stop, even without a sign. I learned the lesson, but I also taught the instructor something. He would teach this lesson on a side street that ended in a T at the road that went into the cemetery. There was no stop sign, probably because there was no traffic on that street unless there was a funeral. He had instructed me to drive down the street and turn at the T. However, he didn’t mention right or left. So when I reached the T, I stopped awaiting further instructions. He marveled that I knew to stop and asked me how I knew to do that. I had to confess that I only stopped because I didn’t know which way he wanted me to turn. I had foiled his plan. I bet every kid after me was told what direction to turn at that T so he could show them how they made a mistake by not stopping!
Then came THE day – the day of going to the State Highway Patrol Station to take the driving test and actually get my license! I wasn’t terribly nervous because I still had that 16 year-old ‘confidence’ that I could do anything. Well, long story short, I failed the first test. I got a perfect score on parallel parking, but I failed the driving because I started to pull out onto the highway in front of an oncoming car. I was able stop in time, there was no accident, but the officer said very kindly, “you know I have to fail you, right?” Yeah, I knew. It was a devasting blow. But two weeks later, I passed with flying colors. Those two weeks of agony and feeling sorry for myself, had finally ended. I got my license, and my life was back on track.
The next step in my driving career was learning to drive a standard shift because my dad was going to give me his old Volkswagen Beetle. One Saturday, he took me up a big hill and let me drive down to learn to use the gears to help me slow down. Then he let me drive up a big hill to learn to use the gears to give me more power. Needless to say, coming down the hill wasn’t too bad, driving up the hill was a disaster! But we eventually made it home and he told me that I could take the car to go into town to see my best friend. Sixteen long years I had waited for that moment! Total freedom at last! I drove to my friend’s house smiling from ear to ear, envisioning all the places that we would go. We could go anywhere we wanted without having to beg for a ride! Life was definitely good! Until… the unthinkable happened.
My best friend and I were cruising around town through the neighborhoods, and we came upon a house where several Junior class boys were hanging out. It was on a corner of two streets, and the one we were on had the stop sign, and an ever-so-slight hill. After making sure that all the boys noticed us, I shifted into gear and hit the gas to proceed, only to stall the car. I heard some snickering. Ok, it happens – try again. Stalled again. More snickering and a little laughter. SIX times I tried amid all the laughter and jeering before I was able to drive away. I was sure at that moment; my life was over. I didn’t want to go back to school on Monday. I figured the incident would make headlines in the school newspaper. I thought that news of my embarrassing failure would on the lips of every upperclassman. Probably even the underclassmen would know about it by Monday. How could I ever show my face at school again? My life was over.
Much to my surprise on Monday, no one at school seemed to have heard anything about the incident. NO ONE, even the boys that were there, mentioned one word about it. Although I was stunned, I was grateful. I concluded that the boys felt sorry for me and were being kind. Actually, it was probably more true that they didn’t really care about it one way or the other. The great car-stalling episode did not end up in the annals of high school history as my 16 year-old mind assumed it would.
Eventually my little VW Bug, whose name was Bud, gained fame around school because, after I learned the art of shifting on hills, I was unstoppable on my journeys. That poor little car was ridden to the point of exhaustion! I would give anyone a ride who needed it and go anywhere that all the kids were going. My little Bug did leave his mark on high school memories; not for stalling but for being everyone’s friend.
I hope my reminiscing has given you a chuckle or two. But I share it especially for parents of teenagers. It’s important to remember that life as a teenager can be hard. The transition from childhood to adulthood can be a rough road.
So much about living life is perspective. We know as adults, that most of the situations teenagers face are not the ‘end of the world’. But we should remember that to them they are, and we should be there for comfort and help when needed – while not getting upset if we’re ignored. Of course we must reel them back in if they are out of control and be firm on the rules. But for the most part, parents of teenagers just need to be patient and thick-skinned. I can’t even count the number of times that I told my mom she just didn’t understand. And I remember at that time, I truly didn’t think she did. Afterall, things were very different for her when she was a teenager. How could she possibly understand my life?? But as it turns out, it wasn’t different at all. Nor was my life different than my children’s. It was the same teenage stuff, different day.
We Christian parents have a huge advantage because we can gain wisdom, understanding and guidance from God’s Word. God’s advice is always the best advice! Also, we can imitate God and deal with our children, even teenagers, the way that God deals with us. God treats us with kindness and patience, but, when necessary, He does put His foot down – which is always done out of love. We must do our best to love our teenagers like God loves us. And then maybe one day, when they’re grown, we can laugh about how many times the world did NOT end when we were teenagers.
Note to my readers: A famous comedian once said, “Grandchildren are the reward for allowing your children to live.” So if your teenager is making you crazy, just remind yourself, ‘someday – grandchildren’. Thanks for reading!
Please note that I will be on vacation next week, so there will be no new post next Friday. Love to all of you!