I am going to bare my soul to you in this post. For many years, my husband has wanted a puppy. When we got married, he had a dog. When we moved to the farm, he had three dogs, none of which were very well trained. Then my husband changed jobs and we moved to New Jersey. Our lifestyle with apartment living, work and travel was no longer conducive to having a dog. (His first dog had passed away and the other two were given away before we moved.) However, during all those years in NJ, he still wanted a puppy. To try to satisfy that craving, first he got an aquarium, then birds, and finally a cat. None of which seemed to satisfy that craving for a puppy, although Samuel, our cat was a good pet. He was well behaved (mostly), independent and fairly low maintenance. He had a quirky personality and was affectionate – when HE wanted to be. We had him for almost 19 years. But sadly, Sam passed away in 2021.
Once the grieving period for Sam had ended, my husband began an urgent pursuit to get a puppy. This urgency met with strong push-back from me. We had lived pet free for a year and half and I enjoyed that freedom. In addition, I know that a dog, especially a puppy needs much attention on a consistent basis. I truly did not want to subject myself to that task. Nor did I want to be incumbered with a pet that would potentially have accidents on my carpet or chew my furniture. I was enjoying my pet hair-free environment and being unrestricted by the responsibility of pet ownership.
Now here is the crux of my story. My husband’s insistence on getting a puppy and my refusal began to weigh on our relationship. We began to fight over the issue. The more insistent he became, the stronger I resisted, and our marriage began to suffer. Each of us felt that the other was being unreasonable. I felt like I was being forced to accept a situation that I didn’t want to be in, and he felt that he was being denied his heart’s desire. We were at an impasse. Neither wanted to give in. And a wall was growing between us.
Then one day last fall, we had decided to stop by a new restaurant in town to check it out. It was very crowded, so we ended up sitting at the bar. We struck up a conversation with the gentleman next to us only to find out that his wife is a dog breeder. And by the way, there will be puppies available around Thanksgiving. My husband quickly made a hand-shake deal to get one of those puppies. Inside, I was fuming.
This began a strong resentment in my mind. Why did I have to agree to something that I was so opposed to? (My opposition was every bit as strong as his urgent need.) I kept this inside until it festered into a consuming flame. Our fighting continued. My resentment grew. Sometimes when we find ourselves in these situations, it is easier to complain to our friends than it is to continue fighting with our spouse, Even though that is not the right course of action to take, that is what I did.
Now, to be clear, I like dogs as much as the next person, I just don’t want one. It falls in the same category as babies. I love babies, but I sure don’t want that responsibility at my age. Let me hold them and love on them and give them back! Let me pet your dog, even watch it for a time, and then you take it home. My friends knew that I did not want a dog. So, imagine their surprise when I told them we were getting a puppy. Of course, few agreed with my opposition because really, who doesn’t want a dog?? But all recognized that it was an issue for me.
One day, a friend suggested that instead of being so angry, I could pray that the situation would be a blessing. I could pray for God’s help in training the puppy and for the puppy to be a happy addition to the family. I was struck in the heart. Afterall, the puppy is my husband’s heart’s desire. Should I fight against that? And I know prayer works. God’s answers are available. God is able and willing to bless us in every category of our lives. Can He help me in this one? Of course!
Now accepting this has not been easy. I have cried almost every day since the puppy was born (before we even had her at our house). I actually can’t tell you why. It has been a big burden on my heart, though. Maybe I cried because I knew that I needed to change my mind and couldn’t manage to do it. Maybe it was because I was overwhelmed (and still am) by this prospect. But I’m working on it. And I’m ever so thankful for my friend’s wise counsel.
I share all of this because my plight has afforded much learning for me. In any situation we face, God can and will provide a solution. But what if the solution is not the one we want? God can help us with that as well. We can change our minds when needed, and God will help us do that.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Either these verses are true or they’re not. We know they ARE true!
In situations such as this one for me, we need to trust in the Lord. We can trust Him in every situation. Do we think that the situation we are facing right now is any different? It is not. However, often in situations of need, even of despair, we don’t know the answer, so we are more willing to accept God’s solution. But in this situation for me, I had already determined what the answer should be – MY answer!! Those are the times that we bind God’s hands. We need to trust that God knows what is best and His way is right. And seriously, do I think I can do a better job than God can?
Which brings me to another element in these kinds of situations – pride. One side of pride is stubborn arrogance, and the other side is satisfaction of a job well-done. They are two very different aspects and cannot be confused. When we recognize the wrong kind of pride in our lives, we must root it out and throw it away. In my case, I had to ask myself if my resistance was due to wrongful pride. Was I determined that I had to get my own way because of pride? To be honest, I don’t really know, but I was willing to change my mind after I put the situation in God’s hands. I was willing to trust God’s answer.
Well, we brought the puppy home, this past Monday. She is adorable, but my house is in much disarray. There is a corral in my living room, and there are coverings on the couch and rug. There are puppy toys scattered everywhere. My time is consumed with puppy supervision and cleaning up after accidents, of which there have been MANY. I still cry at times and I still feel overwhelmed. But each day, I grow a little more positive and I see a little more ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. God continues to answer my prayers. And every day, my heart relaxes a little more as I continue to seek His aid in the situation. God never leaves us nor forsakes us. He cares about everything that affects us – the big things and the little things. I remind myself of the old hymn, “I know He cares for me.” We all are that important to Him!
So, we all can trust God and lean not to our own understanding in any and every situation that we face. We can acknowledge Him and He will direct our paths. And we can be assured that God’s direction is always the right way to go. We can cast our cares upon Him and see what He will do for us! This may take time, but with God’s help we can do it.
Note to my readers: I will update my story in a couple months. I’m expecting a victory in this situation! Thanks for reading.