“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” was one of my mom’s favorite sayings. I heard her say it a million times for as long as I can remember. And over the years, this saying has become one of my favorites as well.
Initially, as a young girl, I considered this saying only in the context of my looks. Around the age of twelve or thirteen, I started to not like the way I looked. (Until then, it didn’t bother me.) Suddenly, I didn’t seem to meet the required standard to be considered one of the popular girls. I didn’t look like them, and I wasn’t built like them. But I would remind myself of my mom’s saying and hope it meant that others might see me differently than my mirror did, and that they might think that I was pretty anyway. I cannot attest whether that happened or not, but things changed in high school. I lost a lot of weight and my opinion of myself began to improve. Not right away, though. My first longer-term boyfriend told me that he dated me because he wanted to know what it was like to date an ugly girl. And I wasn’t even offended by that because I held such a low opinion of myself! But after I gained a little self-respect, I ended that relationship. And for a while, I was okay with my looks, and fairly confident.
But as the evil in the world often does, circumstances were orchestrated to talk me into not liking myself again. I began to sink in the quicksand of low self-esteem. Not only did I think poorly of the way I looked, but I also thought that I was incompetent. And you know what happened? I manifested those crippling negatives. I was in a downward spiral. I could behold no beauty in myself, nor could I seem to do anything right.
Then I was confronted with a life-altering situation. How I would deal with that situation would determine my success or failure in the future. Which would I choose? I could not afford to give in to the negatives that haunted me. I knew that I had to overcome my oppression. Slowly, I started to climb out of the pit that I had in essence dug for myself.
My ascent began with prayer. I knew that God was my only sure way out. And He came through for me in remarkable ways. He provided for my every need. And He showed me who I truly am – His daughter! He helped me behold the beauty that He made me to be. Christ in ME! That is true beauty! He also showed me that I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I was not incompetent; I had merely succumbed to doubts and fears that held me in bondage. Once I broke those chains, I excelled at the things that had been defeating me before. Every success strengthened my resolve to be all that God wanted me to be and to no longer give in to the worldly schemes that had overwhelmed me.
It behooves us to be beholders of our own beauty. When we do that, our beauty will be displayed on the outside for all (including ourselves) to see. But if we don’t, our beauty will stay hidden inside – bound up and essentially invisible.
Women tend to be very critical of their own appearance. But short of very expensive and seldom necessary surgery, we cannot change our faces. And what I discovered over the years is that physical beauty is so much more than our physical features. Of course, there are those who have beautiful symmetrical faces. And we can appreciate their beauty. But those pleasing looks could be a thin veil for a mean or selfish heart. Skin-deep beauty is a shallow version of what true beauty really is.
I also discovered that I didn’t look at others with the same critical eyes that I looked at myself. When I looked at my family – I saw only their loveliness. So, I had to ask myself, “Am I really the only ugly person in my family?” That is nonsensical! When I looked at my friends, neighbors and coworkers, I didn’t think that any of them were bad looking. So, why did I look so disparagingly at myself? It was because I had allowed my mind to accept the worldly idea that I just didn’t measure up. I needed to change my thinking and behold myself in the same way that I viewed others – without constant criticism! And even more so, I needed to look at myself the way God looks at me.
God’s Word is the master teacher of how to look at ourselves and others in the right way. The Word taught me that the basis of true beauty is love. It is love in the heart of the beholder that sees real beauty in others. And it is love living in our own hearts that makes us truly beautiful. When someone’s heart is flooded with the beauty of God’s love, it shines through their eyes like a brilliant sunrise. It illuminates the beauty within them, and it is a beautiful thing to behold!
All the wonderful qualities of God’s love that are outlined in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 are not just describing the way we need to love others. They are also the way we need to love ourselves. And when we love ourselves in this manner, we will be free in our hearts to love others more and more. It is the best win-win of all! It is a truly beautiful way to live.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Think about applying these qualities of love to yourself. Are you patient and kind to yourself? Do you get angry with yourself? Do you keep a record of your wrongs? Sometimes we may beat ourselves up for things that we would not hold against someone else. We are often much more critical of ourselves than we are of others. These things ought not so to be! Love does not fail even when it’s loving ourselves.
As we endeavor to treat others according to these scriptures, we cannot forget to treat ourselves the same way. God chose each one of us to be in His beautiful family. He beholds our beauty whether we see it or not. We are always, always, always beautiful in His sight! Why not see ourselves the same way God does?
Note to my readers: Try looking at yourself through loving eyes, even when you don’t feel like it. You’ll be amazed by how beautiful you are! Thanks for reading.