I have spent most of my life trying to prove my worth. I’m not talking about proving my capabilities like passing a test or starting a new job. Pushing ourselves to accomplish or excel at something helps us grow. I’m talking about trying to convince myself and others that I have worth.
My friend Merriam Webster defines worth as, “the value of something measured by its qualities or by the esteem in which it is held”; also “moral or personal value”. It lists “merit” as a synonym.
“The value of something measured by its qualities…”.
Sometimes we may have trouble identifying our value because we don’t recognize our own qualities. Maybe we think it’s conceited to claim that we have great qualities. This was an issue for me. I remember finding it distasteful to hear the “in crowd” in high school always touting their qualities. And I developed an aversion to their bragging. However, I carried that attitude to such an extreme that I couldn’t admit anything positive about myself without feeling like I was bragging. I was afraid that if I said something good about myself, I would be labelled self-centered or arrogant, or worse yet, be ridiculed. So, I downplayed my qualities under the guise of humility without realizing that I was actually downplaying them to myself as well. After a while, I began to think that I didn’t have much worth and that is how I portrayed myself.
There is a difference between bragging and self-esteem, which brings me to the second part of the definition; “or by the esteem in which it is held.” Since I had convinced myself that I had little worth, I had very low self-esteem. Now, one thing about low self-esteem is that it tends to rub off on others. Which means, if we think poorly of ourselves, others will likely begin to share the same opinion. This is one of life’s many uncomfortable cycles. Think poorly of yourself – others think poorly of you – you see their attitude – you think more poorly of yourself – they think more poorly of you – and so on, and so on. And the worst part of this cycle is that it can push friends away when we need them the most.
Another issue with low self-esteem is depending on others to provide esteem for us. I have struggled with this too. I relied on the opinions of others to define my worth. I was always fishing for compliments. If I didn’t get enough reassurance, I would feel like a failure. I would even say negative things about myself, hoping that someone would correct me. It didn’t work. It just made me feel worse.
Then came the day that I got born again. And I wish I could say that my attitude changed that day, but it didn’t. Of course, everything changed for me spiritually that day; but in my mind, I still carried the burden of low self-esteem. I knew that I was a son of God, and I knew that God loved me, but I still felt like I wasn’t a worthy Christian. I thought that my understanding of the Bible lagged behind and that I was not as spiritually sharp as everyone else. So, I embarked on a quest to prove to myself and others (including God) that I was worthy to be a Christian. Now, that may sound like a noble quest, but it is not the way God wants us to live. And here is why…
God chose us and called us, not because of our remarkable qualities, but because He knew we would answer His call. And He called us to be part of His family. He made us His children so that He could love us with a Father’s undying love. Furthermore, He knew exactly who we were when He called us. He saw our shortcomings; He knew our deepest thoughts – and He called us anyway!
God gave every born-again Christian everything we would ever need to be the best sons of God we could be. We all received the same gift of holy spirit in the same measure. We are all complete in Him. We can all succeed in life because of His love, goodness, mercy and grace. We all have Christ in us. It’s a done deal! What worth could we possibly still have to prove? God thought so highly of us, that He gave His only begotten son to save us. We are worthy enough to God that He wanted US to be His children!
When recognize the worth we have in God’s eyes; how could we ever feel unworthy? Our value is not in our own merit, but in the merit that God has given us. We have nothing to prove because God has established our worth as priceless. And if we need accolades to boost our sense of worth, the Bible is full of God’s high opinions of us! For instance, He says we are righteous. Do we need to prove that we are worthy to be righteous? No! We simply need to believe what God says.
It is not bragging to say what The Word says about us. And it is not egotistical to claim that we are sons of God. We don’t need to prove our worth to be who God says we are, we just need to accept the truth by believing and live accordingly. When we look in the mirror we should see the glory of God in Christ in us. And it is not arrogant to declare that as our identity. It’s just the truth!
It took a long time for me to learn, understand and believe these things because I had so much unlearning to do, and that is a continual process. Some of our old-man traits were easy to put off and they fell away. But some require ongoing rehabilitation to get over. That’s why the Bible calls it the “renewed mind”. We make our minds new by believing God’s Word, then our old-man thoughts resurface, and we have to make our minds new again. We may need to prove our abilities by using them to renew our minds, but that has no bearing on our worth!
If we are still trying to prove our worth as Christians, we are denying the greatness of the new birth and the completeness of our redemption. If we are doubting our value, we have forgotten how great a price God paid for us. Our walk with God is not to prove our worth, but in response to the great worth that He has already given to us. We are worthy because God made us worthy. And our value is no longer subject to the world’s scrutiny, for we are set apart for heaven. We are who God says we are! We have what God says we have! And we will be what God says we will be!
Note to my readers: If you have ever struggled with self-worth like I have, I hope this helps you. Never forget who you truly are in Christ and how much God loves you! Thanks for reading.