Words

Several years ago, I showed my high school graduation picture to one of my husband’s co-workers – why is a long story.  But his response when he saw it was (and I quote), “Wow, you used to be pretty.”  On another occasion, I went to a local donut shop to get a cup of coffee.  The newly hired server had to ask the manager for help to prepare my selection.  Then when it was time to pay, I received the “senior discount”.  The young server questioned the manager’s decision to give me the discount as she had not seen my ID.  To which, the manager replied (and I quote), “If they look old enough, give them the discount”.  I was not a ‘senior’ at that point.  I share these rather embarrassing experiences with you as examples of how words communicate.

Now, I easily could have been offended in either of those situations.  But I wasn’t.  Why?  Because neither person who spoke really meant any harm.  And because I don’t take myself too seriously.  I have learned that it is healthier to let ill-chosen words roll of my back than it is to harbor them.  Usually the people who say these kinds of hurtful things, don’t do it intentionally.  So why should I be angry with them or take their words to heart?  And if I’m honest with myself, I was pretty in high school, and I’ve always looked older than I am. 😊 So there is no reason to let these passing words bother me.  I have told both of those stories on many occasions, and they always generate lots of laughter.

Words are the foundation of our communication.  We speak words, we hear words, we read words, we translate words into ideas and vice versa. Think about how we teach children to talk.  We show them an image and tell them the word that it represents.  We even identify ourselves by words. Remember the thrill it was to hear your child say, “mama” or daddy” for the first time?  This word-based teaching is also used for children’s behavior.  A child quickly learns the word, “NO” because they hear it so often. 

We understand communication in our minds by the use of words.  Words convey images, and we communicate those images by words.  It is a marvelous cycle of speech hearing and sight working together.  Words can have a profound effect on our lives.  Therefore, we must guard the words we take in as well as the words we give out.

There are times when people say very hurtful words purposefully – usually in a fit of anger, jealousy, or frustration.  These words are often cruel attacks that are not true, or at least are greatly exaggerated.  But true or not, they are hurtful none-the-less.  How do we deal with these kinds of words?  If we can’t resolve the issue with calm agreement, we must determine what we are going to do with those harsh words that we can’t unhear in our minds.

I often think of my mind like a bank vault full of safety deposit boxes.  I have the most frequently opened boxes toward the front for easy access.  These hold the most relevant information for my day to day living and are organized by priority.  Then there are boxes for other information that are arranged by frequency of use.  And way in the back as far away as possible, are boxes that I use to lock up all the information that I don’t want to think about.

We can take those hurtful words spoken in the heat of an argument and lock them up securely in the back corner of our vault.  As those boxes remain untouched, they begin to rust.  And as they rust, they become more difficult to open.  Eventually their rusty state overshadows our inclination to open them, and the contents of those boxes fade from thought.  These boxes can help us refute all of the unprofitable information that comes into our minds.

Have you ever written a letter?  Oops, just dated myself – written an email?  Maybe you just met someone and spent time getting to know them; or stayed up late talking with a friend.  How about sharing the deep feelings of your heart with a loved one; or talking on the phone with a far-away relative?  All of these involve words.  Our relationships require communication, and communication requires words.  Now don’t get me wrong, communication involves more than words alone.   Inflection, tone, facial expressions, eye contact, touch, actions, etc. are all involved in effective communication.  This is evidenced by how often an email or text is misunderstood.  In the course of speaking, those things accentuate the words for clarity and emphasis.  But they can also undermine our words.  For example, a wife says, “I’m fine”, but she is crying.  Her husband doesn’t believe her words.  Conversely, a husband smiles and says, “you look nice tonight”.  His smile has given credence to his words. 

Relationships are a vital part of our lives.  And words are a vital part of relationships.  Words are how we get to know someone.  And words are how we unveil ourselves.  Think about one of your fondest relationships.  Different things may have sparked an attraction, but the relationship developed by getting to know each other through conversation — words.  And it grew by continuing to share personal and heartfelt words.  Being able to talk about anything including your most intimate thoughts is a big part of any satisfying relationship. 

The words we speak can make or break a friendship, or any other bond.  The Bible refers to the tongue as an “unruly evil, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:8)  That is figuratively referring to the tongue as it is used for an organ of speech.  With our tongue, we carelessly blurt out hurtful words that we don’t really mean.  With our tongue, we criticize, judge, and condemn one another.  With our tongue, we are quick to revel in someone’s misfortune.  With our tongue, we speak hateful words that can cut someone to the bone or break their heart.  Therefore, it is crucial that we make every effort to control the words that come out of our mouths, and not permit ourselves to utter any of those kinds of words.  A good rule to follow is “speak as you would like to be spoken to”.

Of course I cannot talk about words without considering the greatest words of all time-the Bible!  The Bible is called the Word of God because it is God’s communication to us.   With words, God reveals Himself to us.  With words, He directs our steps.  His words set us free.  His words never fail.  When we make God’s words, our words, our speech will be seasoned with grace and sprinkled with love, so we won’t fall into the trap of speaking hurtful callous words like the world throws at us.  When we speak God’s words, they will accomplish the things that God wants accomplished because they have power.  Think about it… we can speak the words that lead a soul to salvation!  How great is that?  We can speak words of deliverance, words of kindness, words of truth, and words of health.  What a privilege God has given us!

So the next time you open your mouth, think about your words before they are voiced.  Do your best to speak only words that bless people, not tear them down.  Words that will encourage people, not discourage them.  Words that you would like to hear. 

Note to my readers:  Words are a big part of my life.  I hope my words have blessed you today!  You’re the best!  Thanks for reading.