I heard someone online comparing and contrasting “nice” and “kind”. I can’t say that I agreed with his whole conversation, but this one thing caught my ear. He said (loosely quoted), “people are nice because they want others to like them, but people are kind because they care about others.” And he encouraged people to be kind.
I contemplated whether this statement was accurate or not; and whether kind is really preferrable.
The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines nice as: polite, kind, pleasing, agreeable, appropriate, or fitting.
MW defines kind as: of a sympathetic or helpful nature, of a forbearing nature, gentle, affectionate or loving.
What I see in these definitions is that they indicate being nice is a way of behaving; but being kind is an innate quality that can be manifested. These definitions also suggest that it is possible to be nice without being kind; but someone who is kind is probably always nice. It seems that sincerity could be absent in being nice but would be present in being kind.
Like most Christian parents, I endeavored to teach my children to adhere to the instructions given in the Bible. And I told my children to “be nice” a million times. However, the word nice does not appear at all in the King James version of the Bible, and only a few times in other versions, which all refer to things not people.
The word kind (in various forms) is used many times in the Bible. Often, it is used to describe God. He shows His marvelous kindness to us. He is extraordinarily kind to us. His merciful kindness comforts us.
Psalm 117:2 – For his merciful kindness is great toward us: and the truth of the LORD endureth for ever. Praise ye the LORD.
There are many more verses that talk about God’s kindness. It is interesting to note that the words merciful and kindness in this verse are the same Hebrew word used twice for emphasis. In addition, that Hebrew word is often translated mercy.
The Greek word for kindness in the New Testament is translated gentleness in Galatians.
Galatians 5:22 – But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness (kindness), goodness, faith,
Gentleness / kindness is a fruit of the spirit, not a fruit of good works.
In addition, we are instructed to be kind.
Ephesians 4:32 – And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
The context of this verse is the new man – the born-again Christian who is filled with holy spirit. The new man endeavors to walk as Jesus Christ did. Jesus’ example for us follow in this case is his kindness. How kind was Jesus? Well, he gave his life for us so that we could be saved even though we did nothing to deserve it! That’s pretty kind!! This verse also shows us some of the characteristics of kindness – being tenderhearted and forgiving.
There are lots more examples of kindness in the Bible, so I think it’s safe to say that God is kind and wants us to be kind as well. And, as it always is with God, whatever He asks us to do is profitable to us.
I have talked in prior posts about the insecurities I had in my youth. In high school, I never thought that I was pretty enough to be popular, and I was rather shy. I was an outcast of my own making. Then one day I decided that since I couldn’t capitalize on the usual criteria for popularity, I would be nice. Everyone likes a nice person, right? So, I was the nicest person I could be. And people liked me because of that. I guess my experience substantiates the idea that people are nice because they want others to like them. But is this wrong?
There is nothing wrong with being nice. I think people should be nice to one another. But we also need to consider that people have different concepts about what nice is. To some, it is simply good manners. To others, it is being agreeable or friendly. Those are what being nice should be. But some think that being nice is always saying, “yes”, thus allowing people to take advantage of them. That is a mistaken notion and does not help anybody.
Being kind because you genuinely care about others keeps mistaken notions out of the equation. Therefore, you are free to give as much as you want. And the kindness you give actually benefits you as much as others. You are fulfilled because you are doing the right thing. You are unselfishly endeavoring to help and bless others. God loves a cheerful giver and being kind is a way of giving!
So, my conclusion to the matter is this… The opening statement is essentially accurate. The motivation for being nice indeed can be to get people to like you. And that rationale includes an element of being self-centered. However, I don’t think that attitude is the only motivation for every act of niceness. Being nice could be evidence of a kind nature, which is a good thing. And I agree that kindness stems from genuinely caring for others. So, it seems that kindness actually would be preferrable.
So, let’s make kindness a priority in our lives. Let’s seek ways to bless others by being kind and loving. Let’s walk in that kindness as we have Jesus Christ for our example. And then we can bask in all the blessings that God will shower down upon us for our giving and doing His Will.
2 Peter 1:5-8 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Note to my readers: I apologize for the long time between posts. But please know that you are very special to me, and I am very thankful for your support. I’m working diligently to get back on my two-times-a-month posting schedule. ♥