Fathers

As promised, I am recognizing fathers in this week’s blog.  Fathers are an important part of the family.  They are the underlying strength of the family unit.  Mothers are strong and capable, but even the strongest mom relies on the strength of her husband in certain situations. 

A dad’s job can be tough.  He must be brave in every situation (especially ones involving spiders or snakes).  He must be strict without being unjust.  He must firm without being harsh.  He must be kind without being a push-over.  He needs to be the shoulder for everyone to cry on even if he feels like crying himself. 

I lost my dad last year.  He was 95.  He was the smartest guy I knew.  One time my son had an intricate math problem that involved adding numbers and reciprocals to get a palindrome.  After working extensively on the problem, we asked my dad for help.  So he wrote a computer formula to solve the equation.  And that was long before Excel!  He taught himself the play the organ by utilizing the mathematics of music.  And he was a pool-shark by using geometry. 

My dad was old school.  I grew up in an era when ‘children should be seen and not heard’.  There was one television, and when dad was home, we always watched what he wanted.  (I grew up watching a lot of westerns!)  He didn’t read me bedtime stories or hold my hand when I was sick (that was my mother’s job).  But he did fly from New York to Pittsburgh with a big lime-green stuffed elephant on his lap because I was in the hospital.  Both Dad and “Jumbo” were waiting for me when I woke up after surgery. 

If you read my “Mothers” blog, you may remember that I said we visited both sets of grandparents each summer.  Two of my favorite memories of my dad took place while visiting his parents in New Hampshire.  My grandfather had a two-room fishing cabin on his tree farm back in the woods next to the creek.  I thought it was such a special place.  There was no electricity, and the only water came from a hand-pump at the kitchen sink.  There were two twin beds, two living room chairs, an eating table, and all the necessary kitchen provisions.  Oil lamps offered the only light, and the woods supplied the other necessary facilities.  I used to pretend it was my house and I would play there often.  I wanted to spend the night there too, but I was afraid to do it by myself.  So one night, my dad stayed overnight with me.  It probably wasn’t the most comfortable night’s sleep for him, but he did it for me anyway.  I was elated! 

A few years later brought the advent of color TV, and my grandparents had one!  That year I anxiously awaited our visit so I could watch the “Monkees” in living color.  Fortunately for me, our visit was earlier than usual that summer.  I was so excited when I saw the show in color, that my grandpa offered me deal. He said if I could get my dad to go with me in the ocean, in June, in NH, over our heads, that he would give us the TV.  Now if you know anything about the ocean in New England in June, you know that the water is FREEZING cold at the time of year.  But my poor dad helped me seal the deal and we got our first color TV!  I actually had to ride all the way home (about 16 hours) in the back seat of a Volkswagen Beetle with that TV, (and they were big in those days), but I never complained! 

I will always remember how handsome my dad looked in his tuxedo when my husband and I got married.  I remember the times that I made him laugh.  And I remember the times that he would look over the top of his glasses at me – that’s when he really meant business – and sometimes meant that I was in trouble!  As I write, more memories flow through my mind and warm my heart.  My dad was a good man.

I can’t talk about fathers, without talking about grandfathers as well.  I had wonderful grandfathers.  They were quite different, but each had their own special qualities. 

My dad’s dad was the quintessential grandpa.  He looked like Santa minus the beard.  And he treated me like a princess.  He did puzzles with me, played games, and he taught me things like using a drill press and driving a car, both when I was around 10 years old.  My favorite game was King Kong and Fay Wray.  In this game he would be King Kong and carry me (Fay Wray) around the house with all the sound effects.  Then he would drop me on the couch and the airplanes would shoot him dead and he’d fall into a chair.  We played this game many times until I got too big for him to carry around.  I loved it!   He kept a jar full of silver coins in a little closet by the fireplace.  Whenever I did a good deed, he’d tell me I could go get a quarter or silver dollar out of the jar. You can be sure that I sought every opportunity to do good deeds!  (Too bad I didn’t hold on to those silver coins!)

Both my grandpas were a little ornery.  I say that because both grandmothers would roll their eyes at their antics.  My dad’s dad used to take his dentures out after dinner and have marshmallows for dessert.  He liked to chase them around in his mouth.  My grandmother would just shake her head and roll her eyes.  I would laugh and encourage him. 

And that brings me to my mom’s dad.  I called this grandpa, just “Pa”.

Pa was ornery in a different way.  He loved cars.  In particular, I remember his 1959 white Chevy Impala convertible with red interior.  I thought that was the coolest car that I’d ever seen, and I loved riding around with the top down!  Pa did the driving most of the time when we visited.  But Pa had a bad habit.  He would decide that it was his turn to go despite traffic indications.  Fortunately, we never got into an accident, but it was pretty close sometimes.  As a kid, I never recognized it.  But as I got older – it was a little scary! 

Pa had sayings. They were both silly and funny.  He would ask me where my slippers were every time that I was barefoot; and he’d ask what Tonto said.  Thinking back, in my early teens, I was less than kind responding to his questions, which I regret.  But as I got older, I appreciated his quirkiness.  He always called my grandmother, “my bride” and was totally devoted to her.  I can still hear her saying his name like he was a naughty child when he would say silly things.  It was part of their relationship that made them fun to be around.  Pa had great stories of the ‘old days’.  And he always gave bubble gum to servers as part of their tips.  He was a very likable guy.  I am proud to have his WWI Purple Heart Medal on display in my living room. 

All in all, I am very thankful for these men and the role they played in my life.  They influenced me in different ways and taught me many things.  I often wish that I could have talked with my grandfathers as an adult so that I could really appreciate and understand their experiences, wisdom, and advice from more than a kid’s perspective.  I would have loved to have written their life’s stories! 

And I am blessed to have had my dad in my life as long as I did.  Distance kept us apart physically, but he was always in my heart.  I have the utmost respect for the man he was. 

So this Father’s Day, think about what your dad or grandpas have done for you, and let them know (if you can) that you appreciate it.  Although dads may not show it like moms do, they too need to hear that you love them.

Note to my readers:  It has been fun taking this trip down memory lane.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Thanks for reading!