We are all wonderfully unique with many marvelous qualities. Yet, it seems that many of us share a common misconception that our most important quality is the way we look. Because of that, we are overly critical of our appearance, and often dissatisfied with our looks. This need not be!
Science says that beauty is linked to symmetry. Instinctually, the more symmetrical, the more pleasing to the eye. However, even though we may have this built-in instinct, our thought processes are much more complex than that. Many factors are involved in our perception of beauty. And that is what I want to talk about, particularly with regard to how we perceive ourselves.
Our physical appearance basically boils down to genetics. Go back as many generations as you want, and each parent of a parent of a parent lent some genetic material that resulted in you. Now, I know that is overly simplistic, but think about it. You didn’t choose your looks, an egg and sperm determined that for you and for your parents, and for their parents and so on. Your nose that you might think is too big or your eyes you wish were a different color or that crooked smile were all handed down to you by generations of your family. We are all products of our heritage in many ways, including our physical attributes. When you look at yourself, do you see the beautiful reflection of the history of your family living their lives and making their choices? Often our lineage offers us examples of fortitude and achievement, which we respect. Why shouldn’t we be proud of their genes as well?
But even if we accept and appreciate that we look the way we do because of our ancestors, we are still faced with our experiential perception of ourselves. And that could be unkind to us. Remember that boy in 4th grade who called you ugly? What about those girls in high school who excluded you or made fun of you? Perhaps even a loved one said some callous words in jest or in anger. The hurt from any of these kinds of experiences can get lodged in our minds and tear us down in own eyes. Don’t let it! Past is passed! We can’t change it, but we can put it away. Lock it up in the ‘trunk of useless thoughts’ and throw away the key. We do not need to harbor thoughts that hurt us. Replace them with positive thoughts. It’s just as simple to choose a positive thought as it is to choose a negative thought in any category, even in this one. It may take a little more work to hold on to the positive thoughts because we are so used to the negative ones, but putting forth the effort is well worth it.
In addition, society has dictated a standard for what is called beautiful. And that standard so completely permeates our culture, that it is difficult to baulk against it. We are bombarded with images that we are told we should look like. And frequently, it can be detrimental to us because we know we will never look like that. But for some reason, we still continue to compare ourselves to that standard. Whose standard is it anyway? And why do we torment ourselves striving to attain some enigmatic standard?
Society’s benchmark is set by some very symmetrical movie stars and models. That’s ok. We enjoy looking at them. But the problem is that we somehow (intentionally or unintentionally) are made to feel inferior or second rate because we don’t match their symmetrical criteria. Whether we do it to ourselves or the pressure of society does it to us, it is a trick that we have succumb to. We cannot control society’s standard, but we can control our perceptions.
Why not make your own standard? Strip away the worldly attitudes and look at yourself in the mirror. Do you see someone who is the product of the love that your ancestors had to have children who would have children and so forth until you? If so, see their courage in your eyes. Wear that nose as a badge of honor. Do you see a good person? A kind person? A generous person? A loving person? Those are some of the qualities that make one truly beautiful, not some other person’s opinion nor a standard that society has adopted.
When we are beautiful inside, it will show through to the outside. And it will be true beauty, long lasting beauty, and the kind of beauty that comes from a deeply meaningful reality. Our standard should be one of love and faith. And since the Bible says, “the greatest of these is love”, why not focus on that one? Allowing that reality to be our standard will open our eyes to what is genuinely beautiful, not only in ourselves but also in others.
To be clear, I’m not saying that we don’t need to take care of ourselves. Like any other possession of value, we should take care of our physical bodies. Health and hygiene are vitally important. And there is nothing wrong with putting our best foot forward. A flattering hairstyle, well-fitting clothes and maybe some make-up can not only show us in our best light, but also help us feel good about our appearance.
My mom always used to say, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. As a young girl, I interpreted that in light of people looking at me and I desperately hoped it was true. When I became a mother, I interpreted it in light of me looking at my children (and then at my grandchildren) and I knew that it was true. Now, I endeavor to be a person who is beautiful on the inside and allow that beauty to be what I behold in myself. I can’t say whether that has changed anyone else’s perception of me, but it has changed mine.
Behold your own beauty – inside and out; and let it shine for all to see!